FATHERS IN PRISON: MR. LePERRY C. FORE

For the past two years I have been facilitating classes within the prison system. I have been inspired to write this article after holding one of the classes. The topic centered on Fatherhood and there were some things spoken on that topic which were very inspiring.

I have become aware of the fact that Fathers who are in prison are the most forgotten about sect of our society. While holding these classes I was also made aware that most of the men in prison today are Fathers, claim to have committed the crimes for which they are incarcerated for, for their children. I must admit that I do not agree with the act of committing a crime to feed, clothe, or educate one’s child.

However, I do sympathize with these fathers in wanting to take care of their children. I can also sympathize with their idea of wanting to sacrifice all they have and are for their children. Their actions may be wrong, but their hearts are in the right place.

While writing this article, my memory has been taken back to a book I read by Marcus J. Borg, ‘The God We Never Knew.” In Chapter 6 of this book, Borg states that the poor are not poor because of individual failings, but because of unjust social policies. I have made mention of Borg’s statement because one of the facts that comes out in these classes is that most of the men come from poor families who are in prison. Mention has also been made to point out that these men are human being that have been dealt a bad hand in the game of life, and they like all other people need a helping hand to one day be released from prison and be a productive part of their children’s lives.

The thing I stress the most in these classes is that one of the fundamental aspects of being a Father is that you have to be around to be an influence in your child’s life; if you are incarcerated, it becomes very difficult to be an influence in your child’s life. Although some alternatives are given on how to be an influence in their children’s lives from prison, most of the men agree that being home with their children would be better in being a constant influence in their children’s lives.

Some of the stories I hear from the participants of the class are emotionally moving, some sad, and others warming. There are stories from men who have not seen their children in anywhere from a few months to a few years; but one thing remains the same from all of them – and that is, that they miss their children dearly. The most profound thing that I have found with these men is their deep regret for the disruption they have caused in their families’ lives and their search to reconcile with their families.

There are stories from men who have been a part of their children’s lives from behind the confines of prison walls and fences. They have accomplished this feat by writing letters to their children, phone calls, and the visiting programs that are implemented by the prison. They tell of how they have taught their children ABCs, multiplication, typing their shoes, etc. in these prison visiting rooms. These visiting rooms have become an outlet for them to have interaction with their children.

The prison system provides conjugal visits for those who are married or have other family members that are willing to partake in these visits. These visits are called either the F.R.P. (Family Reunion Program) or Trailer Visits. These Trailer Visits allow for the prisoners to spend two nights and three days with their wives, children, mothers, fathers, etc. This provides the most precious time prisoners could have with their families. It provides quality time, which is needed to build family connections, for them and their families.

If not for the trailer visits, then the children of these men would never have the chance, during the Father’s incarceration, to see their Fathers in a family setting. I feel this is very important not only for the Fathers, but also for the children – knowing the psychological effects a Father can and does have on his family. This is a setting where a son can learn how to treat women by watching how his Father treats his Mother. A daughter can also learn how a man is supposed to treat her by watching how her Father treats her Mother.

The Trailer Visit program is one of the better programs, I feel, on the part of the prison system that is beneficial to help build and sustain family ties. It allows for Children and Fathers alike to have the time needed to build the parent-child relationship. I feel that this program provides the elements needed to sustain family ties that are detrimental to having these men return home and stay home; it gives them just one more resource they will need.

One of the most heartwarming stories I have heard in these classes came from an older guy. He tells how his daughter has graduated from high school and college. She attributes being able to do this to the moral support she has received from him and he has been in prison for the last twenty years. He says he is proud of his daughter. She is now in Medical School and planning to become a surgeon. This Father has said that it was not an easy task to be a part of his daughter’s life. She was six years old when he came to prison. For the first ten years of his incarceration he wrote her once a week and did not receive a letter back in all those years. But he kept on writing those letters and still does to this day.

All of the stories are not Cinderella stories such as the one above. There are stories of men who have spent many years in prison and have endured seeing their children coming to prison. Some of these men have even been in the same correctional facilities as their sons. They have watched that child go through the prison woes of gangs, drugs and violence.

If you were to ask any of these men if they could rewind the hands of time and keep their child from going through the hardships of prison, more than likely, the answer would be “Yes.” So, our goals in these classes are to come up with concepts for better parenting, going home and staying home, and for those who may never be afforded the opportunity of going home, ways that he may be as productive as possible in his children’s lives.

Never going home and being able to be a part of their children’s lives is a touchy subject for a lot of the men in these classes because it is a reality to them that they will never return home to their families. A lot of these men will spend the rest of their lives in the prison system. One thing I like about those in this situation, despite what they are faced with, is the fact that they are more eager to help and offer advice to those who will receive the opportunity of going home to their families.

I would like to take the time to commend the wives, mothers and other family members that go through the struggles of prison visits to allow a Father the opportunity to be a part of his children’s life. In these classes, these family members are always spoken of with the greatest admiration. They hold the highest degree of appreciation and respect for these family members. These family members must be spoken of in this article because they are the ones who are left to take on the bulk of responsibility for these children while the Fathers are in prison. They have been forced to become the provider for the children.

Seeing the sincerity, regret, and regards these men hold for their family makes me wish that I had a magic wand to wave to make their lives better, knowing that with an opportunity and better circumstances, these men would be productive in society. Being a Father and a husband myself, I can understand the wanting to be a part of your family’s life, growing old with the woman you love, and watching and guiding your children to adulthood.

These men have made mistakes and some bad choices in their lives, but they are men, Fathers, sons and husbands. Most of them, if given another chance, may never commit their crimes anew, or make those same bad choices. They love their families as much as the one who has not made the choices they have. I enjoy spending time with these men in these classes because I have learned from them to never take for granted the moments I am able to spend with family. We all should take this lesson and cherish the time we have with our loved ones.